So, if I am not a narcissistic sociopath, then what am I? Instead I was informed that I learnt to spell by sight and recognition, rather than by pronunciation. I was never told I had a learning problem that made difficulties with spelling and grammar. I also exhibited behaviour traits that were not characteristic of the disorder, such as: desire to work in teams, great empathy for family and friends, no silent treatment, no punishments, forgave others, did not want to harm people and other animals (vets were impress how pets would respond and love to me), made friends easily with minorities that historically do not trust WASPs, embraced different cultures, and I shared resources. Through time, my negative behavioural traits varied and intensified. I exhibited classic behaviour traits of the disorder such as high ergo, irrational thoughts, anger at some issues, believing I was competitive while it really was insecurity, believing that I was correct when it was wrong, poor listening skills, went from one unfinished project to another, disregard for some of the rules, poorly designed projects, destroyed property, over inflated my skills, stealing even if I did not want the object, was a hoarder, addictions to food and beverages (includes coke cola), and went from one research group to another when a project needed external skills (opportunity to myself). So how do you explain to the ones that you love that they the have no future because of a mental disorder starting in grade one that was not recognised until a year ago? lam in this hell and will be in another in the after life. I want just to correct things, erase my memory of those wronged, and then disappeared. ![]() Donald Trump, Roger Stone, and Associates have a better chance of success. If I live on the streets, it will hurt others. If I stay where I am, it will hurt and abuse others. No matter what direction or action I take, someone will get hurt. Even if I do not go to prison or die, there is nothing to support my family and that nothing can be changed. Remember, in my mind, I was conducting appropriate research and providing a home for family not inappropriate actions and thoughts. My daughter has obtained all “A“s except one B+ for her BA in Political Science degree. If I had managed my affairs properly, I would a position to provide financial support to her in an ever increasingly cruel world. I viewed my daughter as a precious gift from God that I should be there for support when needed. I will never see my loving daughter again from this mess, as she is studying in France. My parents did experience trauma from WWII (epigenetics?), but they provided a very loving environment to their children. The narcissistic sociopathic traits are from genetic factors, as I was never devoid of attention, had a happy life, and no trauma until now. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. Education at the post high school level teaches one to be independent and very competitive. I conducted research not for my gain, but for society in a highly competitive field. Every object reminds of the damaged to others and want has been lost. I have lost everything family, health, pension, processions, heirlooms, the house, car, reputation, love, and trust. ![]() I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. It keeps going through my mind, what can I do to correct the wrongs. The emotional and financial damage is done and cannot be corrected, as one cannot travel back in time. The thought of ruining and losing my family and friends, produces a strong desire in me to change my behaviour. I take responsibility of this mess, as I should have understood my actions and those of my wife. You cannot hide a disorder or change from one, if you do not know that the disorder exists. It is a shock to one to realize that you were not in the real world at age 60. Until then I never knew that such a disorder even existed, let alone the effects on my thought and actions. After reading articles to learn the reasons for my disastrous past actions, I discovered, both I and my wife are narcissistic sociopaths.
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